So sorry (normal service will resume...eventually)

I know I've been out of action this week and kept you in suspense waiting for a blow-by-blow account of the fab holiday we've just had...thing is I need to ask for your patience a wee bit longer.

Despite having extra energy this week and finally getting stuck into long-overdue house projects (like trying to locate the floor once again in the back room), it became aparrent that something was not quite right in my head. I had a permanent feeling that I was strung out, afraid that I was missing out on something vital (as I had done with appointments before the hols.) despite managing far more than usual when it occurred to me that the low feeling that accompanied it all and the lack of enthusiasm about any of my projects could only be down to depression.

Since then, things have seriously got to me, silly little things like next-door blasting music out with the windows wide open, getting a telling off from the vet but what really got to me was a stray innocent comment on the Sock Madness blog. As you all know, I have never expected to win prizes for speed, the pain in my hands puts paid to that but I have pulled out all the stops on a number of occasions for the creativity awards. When it became obvious I was getting nowhere, I brushed it off, after all there can only be one winner and far more losers but I did foolishly consider that perhaps those wild 'n' wacky hand-painted shady socks might win me a prize.

Knitted in the middle of a nasty cold/flu that developed into an even nastier chest infection, I had been quite relieved to be knocked out of the competition, I had little energy for anything. Which was even more surprising that I came up with the idea of painting the socks to such a stunning effect. The two hours I spent standing painstakingly painting them didn't do my energy any favours but it was fun and I was amazed with the results; as were plenty on Ravelry who showered me with complementary comments. I was in no fit state to leave the house and find a crative setting for them but I did consider that the work that had gone into them might get lost in a busy environment anyway.

When the socks were listed for voting, there was an innocent comment about there not being many "creative shots" this time...that grated far more than the fact that I lucked out once again.
Considering how thick and fast the patterns were coming in, my circumstances aside there was little time to think up creative stuff for those hoping to keep up with the pace and pressure of the other socks. There may have been time between the completion of that round and the competition but two more sock patterns were released in that time and for myself, I had to race around preparing for the hols as soon as I was able, cramming into the space of a few days what I'd have usually taken weeks to sort; then the holiday itself. Add to that the fact that no comment was left on Ravelry that I'm aware of, it could only have been the dilligent souls checking the main website that would have even seen there was a competition to vote on.

I am fully aware that my responses to things are far more acute at the moment but why set myself up for further unrealistic expectations? Anyway, I give up. I will knit the remaining socks for my own pleasure but I'm not even thinking of further competition, what's the point in getting my hopes up?

The positive aspects of this particular type of depression means that if I don't give a damn about things in general, it does make it a hell of a lot easier to sort through stuff and be a bit ruthless with what I let go of. I know enough to trace it back to the breathing problems I had pre-holiday and how I over-compensated to keep the feelings at bay whilst we were away.

Still, if I can use the restlessness to organise my stash stores more efficiently, it would be far more useful in the long run. It will reduce my time to do things like blog and knit as much as I do and when I'm feeling a little more like, I will tell you about the hundred-and-one things we did, expect a few posts as there's too many pictures for just one!

I know there are some positive things coming up, there's a guild meeting next weekend, my birthday is less than three weeks away and there's Woolfest to look forward to at the end of June but I hope you'll be gentle with me if I'm a little off par for a while. Sorry to drag anyone down, part of creating this blog is to have a record for myself as well as others do there will be occasional lows as well as highs. I hope you'll stay along for the ride...